3rd time's a charm?

So here we were, sitting in the Dr's office after our 40 day cycle, another failed round of follistim and our first failed IUI, and I was ready to jump right back on the horse without taking a breath! The first thing they do before starting a round of meds is have you come in on day 3 of your cycle. They check your baseline and make sure everything looks good by doing an ultrasound and blood work. So I was getting my ultrasound done and what do they see? A huge cyst on my left ovary that developed from my one big follicle from the last round of meds. They couldn't start me on the next round of meds because they were scared it would burst, which can be very dangerous. She suggested going back on the pill for a couple more months to let the cyst go away naturally, then we'd pick up where were left off. Seriously?? This was the most ready I had felt and now I had to wait... AGAIN! I felt defeated and left the office in tears so frustrated. All we did was wait! So I did what the Dr. ordered, went back on the pill to let my body heal... again. 

Two months later, April 2010, we were right back in the Dr's office hoping for good news, and we got it! The cyst cleared up and we were ready for round 3! This time she was going to be a little more aggressive with the meds so I would make more follicles, which leads to more eggs, which increases our chances. She didn't want to be as aggressive as the first round because of the hyperstimulation, so we had to find a happy medium. We were off to the races andI felt like an old pro by now with the shots! This cycle went a little more smoothly and things happened quicker than last time, but I developed tons of follicles again. There didn't seem to be a happy medium with me... either I developed one measly little follicle, or tons of them. Right around day 14 I was ready to trigger with about 10 follicles total. We planned to do another IUI and with so many follicles this time, it just HAD to work, it HAD to! So we did the IUI in May and I convinced myself it worked. I needed to be positive about it, but how do you be positive and not totally get your hopes up at the risk of being crushed?? It's nearly impossible! About 5 days after the IUI, I hyperstimulated AGAIN! It was worse than last time, or so I thought. If not worse, then just as bad. I felt horrible, but was still hoping for the best. I felt like I just couldn't catch a break! During the 2 WW, we went to my friend Lindsay's wedding. I felt like crap and was hoping that I was pregnant, but tried to keep my mind off of it so I could enjoy myself. This picture from the wedding captures it all... you may not see it but I had pain in my heart. I was so scarred by all we went through, but was trying to have hope at the same time. 

So we waited the 2 weeks and this time, my period didn't show up early... but right on time! I was absolutely devastated. 3 strikes, you're out! How could it be?? With all those follicles, not ONE of them fertilized? I couldn't believe it! So believe it or not, I was ready for a round 4. By now you may be thinking, "how could you keep going after all this?" I didn't believe it myself, but I was ready for another try. So we went back into the office on day 3 and sat down with the Dr. before the other stuff. This was when she said the 3 letters I had been dreading since the beginning on this journey... I V F (invitro fertilization)! I knew it might come to this someday, but I never thought it would be this soon. Remember, even though we had been through almost a year and a half of this, we had only technically "tried" 3 times. Even though it crushed me to hear those 3 letters, I had a sense of relief as well because I knew IVF had a much higher success rate than anything we had done so far. At the same time, I was also terrified because I knew that this was it. If this didn't work, then what?? She explained that I would be a great candidate for IVF because I had so many eggs and could ovulate so much, but the IVF would give us more tries. She explained how they would try to make as many eggs as possible, then take them all out, fertilize them, and put the embryos back in. It was a more controlled procedure so the risk of high order multiples was less. Also, we could freeze the embryos we didn't use for future children after hopefully getting pregnant with our first. Now we had one big issue on our hands... IVF wasn't covered in Pennsylvania. Surprise surprise! 

At this point, I was going to be graduating from grad school in just 2 weeks and then needed to find a full time job. We had gotten so wrapped up in everything over the last year and a half and needed to get back to "us," we thought it was a good time to regroup and figure out what our next move would be, literally and figuratively. I immediately researched states that covered IVF and found that Connecticut was one of the mandated states to cover it! Being from CT and always wanting to move back there someday, we felt it was time! One important thing first though, we both needed new jobs! Ari immediately started looking for a new job and at this time, and was also switching careers. He had been in non-profit theater and was going into life insurance. He got a job with NY life, but had to start it before I was finished with work or had found my own job. He had to move in with my parents for a month or so before we got everything worked out, but I did find a job with GREAT benefits that covered IVF! We moved on July 19th, 2010 and we were ready to start a new life, that involved having kids finally! The first thought that went through my mind was, "let's do this IVF!" But after a lot of discussion, we decided it was best to wait a year before doing the IVF so we could both get established in our new jobs. Yes, more waiting, AGAIN! So the year actually flew by and in July 2011, we were finally ready to get the IVF started. For lack of better words, I was scared shitless but the way I looked at it was, it couldn't be any worse than what I had already gone through, right? Wishful thinking...

Stay tuned for our IVF journey!

http://www.fertilitylifelines.com/payingfortreatment/state-mandatedinsurancelist.jsp